The Joint
by so contagiously
Summary: Would I flap my little wings and ride high into the sky? Or would I try and fail miserably, meeting my doom on the cold hard ground, little parts of me splattered everywhere?


I have this favorite flavor of lip gloss. Honestly, I have a lot of favorites when it comes to makeup, you see. But I tend to put people up next to the makeup and then when I think of them, I think of that thing. My watermelon lip gloss reminds me of Alex, it was the flavor I was wearing when we first kissed. Needless to say I threw that one away last night while going through my annual clean-outs. Don't get me wrong, I love Alex to death. But seriously, I think that that whole 'exploring my sexuality' thing really got to me. It made me worry about a lot of things. It made me wonder about myself as a person and who I really was inside. That stress? Totally not needed. It wasn't even Alex herself, it was more what our relationship stood for. It meant that there was one more thing I didn't know about. Of course I still don't know about it, but it's nice to cling to false hope sometimes, hmm? Anyway, back to my point. I have cherry lip gloss, which stands for Dean- I don't get cherry lip gloss any more. I guess a lot of my memories have ruined things for me. One taste of that glittery red concoction and my stomach churns. I don't plan on ever letting myself feel that way again. Goodbye, cherry lip gloss. And then? Then there's lemon. Lemon lip gloss. Clear white and delicious, I'd eat it up if it wasn't for the fact that that's actually pretty disgusting. Who does lemon lip gloss remind me of? Him. I don't think I'm really prepared to let myself realize it, but it does. It makes me happy. When I'm out shopping, my hand levitates to the lemon flavor. I like the memory of him. I, Paige Michalchuk, the girl who screwed him and herself over, likes the memory of him. Therapy should be conducted soon.

I had just graduated. My mother was snapping so many pictures I was sure that if she kept at that speed I was going to go blind in a matter of minutes. My brother was laughing and teasing my height and everything seemed perfect. Until my mother asked me that fateful question, "So, Paige you've just graduated and now you have your whole life ahead of you. What's your next move?"

I could feel my stomach tighten. What _was_ my next move? Where was I supposed to turn now? The safety of Degrassi Community School had pushed me out of the nest and now I was expected to fly. Would I flap my little wings and ride high into the sky? Or would I try and fail miserably, meeting my doom on the cold hard ground, little parts of me splattered everywhere?

"I'm going to find myself!" I sang out. Suddenly, the pictures stopped. Mom put down her camera and Dylan started clapping. Of course he would understand, the poor boy 'found himself' every other week.

Mom smiled a little. "Well, that's good!" I resisted the urge to cringe. My mother never was good at showing her true emotions. 'Well, that's good!' usually meant that when she got home she would be taking two Tylenol and putting her hand to her head while muttering to herself "Where did I go wrong? Where _did _I go wrong!" However, I knew my way around the Michalchuk home. The best thing to do was let the woman have her time and think things through without pushing her. So I just smiled brilliantly, like the lie she had just force-fed me had gone down smoothly.

Now, if you tell someone you're going to find yourself, then that's exactly what you try to do. The key word in that sentence would definitely have to be the 'try'. I, of course, would be going to Banting in three months. I would be embarking on the rest of my life. I would be taking the steps into the future. I didn't have much time to 'find myself'. Most people when trying to settle everything ( which was pretty much the point of what I was doing ) go on this big whim of spontaneity. But, this is Paige Michalchuk here. Sure, I was no Ellie Nash, but it was sure that I was the trend setter, not the trend follower. So I went about things my own way. I made a list of things, or well people, that needed to be taken care of. And who was the first person on this list? Gavin Mason.

It was three in the morning. Storming. I had put on mascara for a night out with the family, and of course, it wasn't waterproof. Picture Paige Michalchuk, raccoon-esque. Now, things wouldn't be complete without me dashing down the sidewalk searching for a place to stay for the night. The doorstep I landed on, however, was an old one. I had passed Hazel's, but my feet hadn't stopped. My mind had, but my heart hadn't. My heart was carrying my feet. What an ironic problem. Paige was once again using her heart and not her mind. You'd think I would learn from past... experiences, huh? Of course not. So right past Hazel's I dashed in my sopping wet Puma's. Where were my feet going, you ask? To the one place my mind was stuck on. I was running all the way down town to Spinner's.

"Mmm?" was his very articulate greeting when he opened the door. I rolled my eyes. I would've said something about it but it was raining, I had a lot of kissing up to do, and I was too tired to be witty enough to scar him for life, which is what I intended to do with every acid-dripping retort.

"Spinner, it's me. Paige." I could see him shutting the door. I reached out and pushed it. "C'mon, it's storming and I know we don't live that far away from each other but I'd rather not risk getting electrocuted…"

Spinner let out a grunt and opened the door a little more. He had turned on the light to the living room, now I could see him. "You'd deserve to be electrocuted." He murmured, and I could feel a little piece of my heart rip off and fall onto his porch. Damn, the boy was harsh when he was half asleep.

"Spinner, a real Christian would definitely let me inside right now. You know, forgive and forget?" It was the only thing I could think up. I knew it would either get me inside or get the door shut in my face. I hoped it was the former.

Spinner, who had been rubbing his eyelid since the moment he answered the door, finally put his hand down. "I'm hardly a Christian. I had sex before marriage, Paige. With you, if you recall. You probably don't though, because you left me on my ass."

A bolt of lightning filled our eyes. He ushered me inside. I smiled. A real, genuine smile. Something I hadn't done in quite some time. It felt good.

"So, is there a reason you were running around in the rain at three in the morning?" He asked, trying not to grin. He was forcing himself to be big and bad, he was refusing to forgive me. He opened a closet and grabbed a blanket, draping it around my shoulders. I had changed into some of the clothes I had at his house, a pair of pajama pants and a huge t-shirt. I had always kept them there when we were dating, just in case I decided to spend the night. Of course it never happened, not even just me sleeping over. I was too scared.

I pulled the blanket tighter around me and sighed. "Car broke down."

"And you didn't have your cell phone?" he raised an eyebrow. I _always _had my cell phone.

"I know, right? The one time my car breaks down, my cell phone is being traded for a new one because it got busted." I rolled my eyes. "Just my luck, hmm?"

Spinner was trying to hard not to grin. I could see it in his eyes. I knew those eyes all too well.

I looked up at him. "Spinner I think it's about time I apologized." My fingers laced together on my lap as he looked away. "Spinner, please. Hear me out." He was resistant, but finally turned his head. "I wanted you to be my first," I choked on those words. Dean would always be my 'first' no matter how hard I would try to change that. "But after Dean I suppose I just got scared. I had always wanted you to be my first everything. No matter what, you were Spinner. My first love needs to be my first kiss, my first ... well you know. You're important to me. I didn't mean to hurt you but I also don't think I meant for us to go anywhere. I was still worried about myself.." I don't know what happened. The next thing I knew my lips were becoming dangerously close to his. The gap was beginning to close, as it had so many times before between us on that couch. My lips had delicately hit his when he pushed himself out of his seat.

"No." he managed to grunt out, turning around.

"Spinner, I didn't mean for that to-" I started, but he wouldn't let me finish.

"Paige I think it's time for you to leave." He said in between my words. I looked at his back and my eyes widened.

"Spinner it's still raining!-"

"You heard me, go. You can keep the blanket." He replied swiftly, stomping up the stairs.

I stared at him. What had I done? Of course, I knew that I had ruined his whole life but what had I done just then to make him throw me outside in the pouring rain? But he didn't have to tell me again. I pulled the blanket around myself, much tighter this time, grabbed my other clothes, and dashed outside into the rain. What lovely predicaments I get myself into. I smoothed my hair and put the blanket over my head, trying to race in between the rain-drops. This time I landed on someone else's doorstep. He slept in the garage, and I knew he'd still be awake. He'd let me in, for sure. He had to. If not I was going to be stuck running again.

I banged on his door. There was a loud thumping and a lot of smashing noises. I saw the light flick on before Craig Manning stood in front of me, trying to comprehend what was going on.

"Paige! What in the hell are you doing outside in the middle of a storm!" he grabbed my hand and pulled me into his room, no questions asked.

I knew I could always count on this boy.

Alright so this was actually supposed to be way longer before I posted it. I actually planned on writing out Paige's night at Craig's and maybe even Paige's next ( extremely awkward ) meeting with Spinner. But I'm switching computers so I had to rush this. I haven't written anything in a long time so I'd really adore some feedback on it!


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